(Get your mind out of the gutter, I’m not talking about that kind of friction.)
Friction is the concept in physics that describes the force that resists motion when two surfaces are in contact. Just from that description, and also from colloquial uses of the term, most people have the understanding that friction prevents or slows down motion.
And it does. A ball rolling across a table slowly comes to a stop. A sled requires a push to get going, and also comes to a stop when the force of gravity becomes weaker than the force of friction as the hill levels out at the bottom.
But it can also enable motion. Cars work because the force that the engine makes tries to slide the wheel backwards along the surface. If the coefficient of friction were small enough, the wheels would just spin. But because it isn’t, they “grip” the road and the vehicle moves forward.
The force of friction enables a car to move.
Of course, sometimes the force turning the wheels is stronger than the force of friction, and the wheels spin out.
Friction in a psychological sense exists as well. Whenever you want to get something done in your life there will be friction. You are trying to move your life forward, but your life is connected to the environment around it. All of these connections, to your home, your possesions, to other people, coworkers, children, a spouse – all of these touch points are places where friction will occur.
That friction is real, and the stronger the connection you have with someone or something, the stronger the friction will be.
Often times, that friction will prevent movement, or slow it down. This is vital when you are young and want to do all kinds of stupid things. A close relationship with a wise father, mother, or other adult can prevent some stupid mistakes. But if the relationship is not as close, the force impelling you onwards may break free.
As you get older and wiser yourself, friction can often feel limiting. Maybe you have a house, kids, a job. These are all connections that become quite strong. The friction that comes if you try to make big moves can be very strong.
And yet, the title of this essay is “Healthy Friction”. The friction in life that keeps teenagers from doing even more stupid things is one type of healthy friction.
Another is when friction lets you “push off”, like a car does.
When you lift weights at the gym, you’re literally “pushing off” other objects and becoming stronger as a result.
The psychological friction of walking or riding a bike to work is much greater than just driving your car. But it’s also healthier.
Modern life tries to reduce the friction in our lives with tools that do all of the hard work for us. And if we let it, we become weak, and slip around wherever the latest fad or idea pushes us.
We have no anchor, and we have no strength.
When it comes to planning your day, your week, your year and your life, friction matters. Some tools take away the exact friction you need to build an ordered mind and an ordered life. By trying to make it super easy to organize and remember your tasks, they actually prevent you from internalizing your goals or remembering on your own.
In effect, we can outsource our planning to a tool, like we outsource transportation to a car. It’s great for longer distances, but if we’re using the car at the expense of walking or riding a bike, then we get weaker.
To remember what the friction of planning used to be like, try using a paper planner for a few weeks. Some of the friction will be annoying and get in your way. Other friction will be good, and you’ll find that you have a more productive life.
Cue aims to keep the healthy friction in planning. It makes you do the work of planning. In doing so, it allows you to order your mind.
And then, to order your life.