When we don’t trust ourselves, our lives become more crowded, chaotic, and complicated.
When we don’t trust ourselves we say yes to things we should say no to. We think, “I should do that, I think.” By not saying no, we take on too much, and those things crowd out the core aspects of our lives that bring meaning and purpose.
We may even think we’re saying yes to things that could give us meaning and purpose. Because we don’t trust the little voice in our heads telling us it’s not time. Or there isn’t time.
When we don’t trust ourselves, we are always trying to remember what must be done. Our lives are already crowded, and we don’t trust ourselves to keep it all going. If we did, it wouldn’t be crowded. But because it is, it also becomes chaotic. Issues arise that we have to deal with, when we don’t have time or energy to do so. We turn from one crisis to another, always dealing with something new, but never with the excitement of intentionally engaging with a new problem. No, instead we’re hassled and hurried and just trying to put out all the fires, so we can sleep peacefully at night.
When we don’t trust ourselves, the different areas of our lives get twisted together. We can’t seem to put work away when we’re at home, and our home life interrupts work. Hobbies or volunteer projects get in the way of meaningful career advancement, or vice versa. These complications make managing any one area of our lives more difficult and challenging.
Where do we find this trust in ourselves, though? How can we get to a point where we do what is needed, avoid what is not, and feel confident along the way?
It all starts with some simple habits. They have to be habits, or we won’t trust ourselves to do them in the future. They have to be simple, so we can feel confident that they will stay habits, that we won’t backslide.
You can go listen to the latest life advice guru and he or she will give you their top habits for a successful life. Sometimes they just have nice sounding platitudes that aren’t really actionable, like “take risks”, “welcome criticism”, or “persist”.
When they are good, most lists will have one or more of the following: exercise, meditate, wake up early, go to bed early, write in a journal, budget, or eat breakfast.
But even more foundational is to have a habit of building good habits. To do that, I believe the key is to plan daily.
Planning daily is the foundational habit to develop.
Once it’s there, it becomes possible to work on other habits, and to do so in a sustainable way.
Sure, you can develop habits like exercise, journaling, or budgeting without daily planning, but it’s harder. Harder still is trying to add habits to an already full life.
That’s where daily planning can really help. By looking at each day, thinking through how it will play out, and consciously making time for the most important things you want to do, you create a system that can continually improve.
Daily planning itself has a built in feedback loop. Each day, as you plan the next day, you can’t help but think about what worked and what didn’t. You’ll clearly see where you tried to get too much done, or didn’t push yourself hard enough.
And you’ll get a little better the next day.
This works because daily planning builds our trust in ourselves. We make a plan for the day and we carry it out. Or we don’t, but because we have a plan, we’re better able to adapt.
Every time we do that, our trust in ourselves grows.
As it does, we can build better habits, trusting that we’ll stick with them, because they’re built on top of our foundational habit.
Every time we create a good habit, our trust in ourselves grows.
As it does, it becomes easier to say yes to the things we deeply care about, knowing that we can give it the focus it deserves. And to say no to the things that flit into our attention, but that ultimately cannot make us happy.
Every time we say yes to true purpose and meaning, or no to frivolous flights of fancy, our trust in ourselves grows.
Over time, that trust will spread. Others will trust us too, and opportunities will open up.
Because we trust ourselves we’ll take the right ones, or, if we don’t, at least learn the right lessons.
And along the way, as we experience new and fascinating opportunities, our lives will simultaneously become calmer, simpler, and more focused.
All because we trust ourselves, and we know we deserve that trust.