Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People was huge in the late 80’s and through the 90’s. While it’s a treasure trove of tried and true principles, there is also value in revisiting them to see if they hold up.
I’ve written before about the value of beginning without the end in mind. Let’s now take a second look at the fourth habit: Think Win/Win.
The idea of this habit is that you should approach others with the goal of finding outcomes in which both you and the other person “win”. Don’t seek outcomes that are wins for you but losses for others, and don’t do reverse either.
Let’s step back from the interpersonal for a bit, though, and consider this habit as an intrapersonal one. How can you think win/win with yourself?
There’s probably a variety of ways to do it. Our lives are made up of multiple roles, and finding win/win solutions where each role wins is far better than just looking for some nebulous balance. That would just be a compromise.
Our minds have been shown to have multiple personalities, all fairly well integrated (unless we have psychological problems). These sub-personalities can find win/win solutions.
But let’s look at finding win/win solutions across time.
You see, there is present you, who is actively living life, doing things, maybe even making plans. And then there is future you. The you that will be doing all that tomorrow, or next week, or next year.
It’s really easy to screw life up for future you: get wasted on a Friday night, eat that extra dessert at the family barbecue, avoid a hard conversation by thoughtlessly agreeing to something you really don’t want to do.
These are all win/lose situations where present you wins, and future you loses.
Of course, the opposite is also possible, although much less frequent. These are the people who are always working and never relaxing. Maybe they’re driven by fear, or greed, or envy, or worry. Whatever it is, they forget to enjoy the present, along the way to their imagined future happiness. Which, of course, never arrives. Because they can’t break the pattern of living in the future.
Thinking win/win here means considering future you, and what he or she will consider a win. And then finding a way forward that gets that win, while also giving present you a win.
Guess what? The best way to do that is to start planning.
Planning your day is all about finding a win/win for present you and for tomorrow’s you. You want to get to the end of the day feeling good. That means feeling good about what you accomplished, but also just feeling good because you had a good time.
Planning – daily, weekly or monthly – is thinking win/win.